Finding My Flow: Embracing Change at 40 I’m Ruxi, and this is my story of letting go, learning to live authentically, and finally understanding that I don’t have to edit myself to please others. For a long time, I tried to fit into boxes that weren’t made for me. But turning 40 changed everything. It woke me up in a way that I didn’t see coming. Now, as I stand at this crossroads of life, I ask myself: How do I want to live the next 40 years? Who Am I? I’m Ruxi, and this is my story of letting go, learning to live authentically, and finally understanding that I don’t have to edit myself to please others. For a long time, I tried to fit into boxes that weren’t made for me. But turning 40 changed everything. It woke me up in a way that I didn’t see coming. Now, as I stand at this crossroads of life, I ask myself: How do I want to live the next 40 years? One of my greatest surprises—and perhaps my biggest achievement—has been healing my body. After 12 years of struggling with my weight, trying every possible approach, I gave myself one last chance. At one point, I had even agreed to a gastric sleeve operation because I didn’t believe I could do it on my own. But something inside me wasn’t ready to give up. I refused the surgery and, to my surprise, I succeeded. I lost 30 kilograms, not just from my body, but from the emotional weight I’d carried for years. The transformation didn’t just stop at weight loss. My body healed in ways I didn’t think possible. I had serious hip and knee issues, early signs of arthrosis, and doctors warned me: “Lose the weight, or else!” And so I did. The fact that my body responded and healed after all the years of struggle still amazes me. I surprised myself—not just by achieving the weight loss but by realizing how much the body can heal when you give it the chance. I would like to call this weight-healing, instead of weight-loss, I haven’t lost anything, I happily gave it away. And 2 years after the xrays in my knees, no more sign of Arthrosis. Breaking Free from Edits The most beautiful part of this journey? Watching my two kids grow up with more autonomy than I ever had. They have the power to say “Nu vreau”—to say no and ask for what brings them joy. This is something that took me well into late my 20s to grasp. And seeing them so confident speeds up my own healing process. My hope is that they won’t have major things to heal from when they look back at our parenting. Self-Care: My Greatest Mission Now, my biggest mission is to take care of myself so I can care for my family and the amazing “family of friends” we’ve built here in Switzerland. In the past, I was focused on fitting in and being the good girl. I stayed quiet because I didn’t know what I wanted or what brought me joy. Now, I’m learning what works for me, and it’s a beautiful process. I don’t have all the answers, but I am free to explore what makes my heart race and my soul smile. For a long time, I had a big problem with telling the truth—my truth. Instead of asking myself, “What do I feel? What do I want?” I would play detective, reading all the signs in other people—their facial expressions, tone of voice, the subtlest gestures. I would figure out what they wanted to hear from me, just so I could be liked. In a way, I was a liar. But it goes deeper than that. If you’re not telling the truth, even to yourself, you’re lying by omission. How can you be honest when you don’t know yourself well enough to know what your own truth is? This realization has been a crucial part of my self-care journey. It’s not just about being liked or accepted—it’s about standing firmly in what I feel, want, and believe. It’s about discovering my truth, not just reflecting someone else’s. The Flow of Life I’m not linear—I’ve always known that deep down. I get bored quickly, and that’s okay. I’ve stopped beating myself up for not following a conventional career path. I’m a neurodivergent soul, and I embrace it fully now. I need variety, whether it’s in sports like cycling and triathlons or in life itself. I flow like a river—sometimes slow, sometimes fast, but always moving toward something bigger. I used to criticize myself for not having a traditional, linear life—the kind where you choose a career, climb the ladder, and follow a straight path. But I’ve come to realize that my strength lies in my flexibility and curiosity. I’ve always been a nomadic spirit, adventurous in most things (though not with food or heights!). Life, for me, isn’t about sticking to one route; it’s about exploring all the different trails along the way. I am a river. I flow, always with a direction, and always arriving into something bigger than myself. If you ride with me, it can be gentle and smooth or wild and fast like a rollercoaster. But no matter what, we’ll always start small and arrive big. I’ve learned to trust that flow. It may not be predictable, but it’s mine, and it’s taking me exactly where I need to go. Love Without Labels I can love without limits—whether it’s a man, a woman, or both. The key for me is safety and mutual respect as we ride the waves of life together. Love is an adventure, and I no longer feel the need to label it. It’s fluid, just like I am. Confidence in My Own Path Today, I am confidently living MY way. I may not have climbed the corporate ladder or followed the traditional “happily ever after” script,
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